Praise God and pass the pizza!!! My test isn't this Saturday. More time to study and kick some serious hiney when I do take the test. That my friends is a God thing. LOL I started crying this evening when I was studying. It's all so overwhelming and it got to me. I couldn't help it. I chatted with Nell a bit this evening and she helped me out....doesn't she always? :) I got an email tonight that was a blessing and encouragement for me. It said "Jesus said that if we have faith as small as a mustard seed...we can move mountains". This came from someone who knows nothing of the stress about this test. I needed to hear that. I know I will pass this. I know the material and what I don't know or remember...I will be able to study this coming week. I just need to get the faith thing kicked into gear. Everyone else has faith in me...now I need to have it. If I don't...I'm dead in the water with this. Failing is not an option.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...