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I can see clearly now...

This was a weekend I'm thankful has passed. It wasn't a "OMG!!! That was the worst weekend ever!!!" type of thing. There was just some drama that could have been avoided and me not feeling at the top of my game. I'm not going to get into how I'm feeling because...well to be honest...I'm really not sure about it. It's a health thing so please don't think I'm stressing over a relationship or other such nonsense. That statement leads me to this...

I was watching PS I Love You this weekend for about the millionth time. Yes...it has Gerard in it and we all know how much I love that man but I digress. I was really watching the movie. Not for the entertainment value but for the analytical value. Sabrina...stop rolling your eyes. LOL I was thinking about Holly and how she lost a man she loved with her entire being. Even though they argued and fought, he was her life. Her world. In an instant he was gone. She was left alone. It made me really question being in a relationship such as marriage. Why do we do it when we know that it is going to end with the biggest heartbreak we will ever face? We know full well going into the marriage that it will end with the death of our spouse. Sure there are wonderful moments in between the "I do" and "It's ok...you can go now". This is not a surprise to us as the vows are "Til death do us part". That sounds all romantic and lovely at the time. The reality of it is...we are setting ourselves up for the biggest hurt we will ever experience in life.

The love Holly and Gerry had is one that everyone looks for. Gerry has a line in the movie "I know what I want, because I have it in my hands right now. You." We all want that. We want to be loved. We want to be someone's Holly. But...to be someone's Holly we have to face that one day we will lose our Gerry. What's the point? Why do we want to knowingly get ourselves into a situation where we know that one day down the road...our hearts are going to be completely shattered...never to be whole again.

Is this cynical thinking? Most likely. I've been hurt so deeply in the past that I no longer have thoughts of ribbons and lace romances. I no longer see romance and relationships as something that will be pleasurable. I can only see hurt, pain and the inevitable heartbreak that comes with being in love. I know this is an issue that I have to work through. The question is...do I want to work through it? That is an answer I'm not sure I can give.

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