Well...I can tell a bit of a difference in my world view. I have some moments of light and I'm enjoying it. However, yesterday and today are pretty dark. Friday was dark as well. I'm hoping and praying that those dark days will eventually go away. I'm still afraid of the light but slowly starting to embrace it. I did notice something though. I haven't given a 2nd thought to The Monster. He is becoming nothing but a distant memory. I did see a recent photo of him and all I could think was "Seriously?" A man who belittled me, demeaned me, condemned me and treated me like I was the most hideous thing he had ever seen has now become what he said I was. He is bald, he isn't remotely attractive and he is fat. I guess karma does come around. Sometimes it happens in ways we didn't think of but in the grand scheme of things...the fact that he is everything he said I was...well that is revenge enough for me.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...