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Taking a chance...

 Thursday, March 3, 2022 I saw an actual doctor.  Not a nurse but a real MD.  I was tested for dementia and thankfully, I am not facing that demon.  We had a discussion about the things I'm going through, what I've battled and we have decided to put me back on Paxil.  I hate being on medication but if I don't do something, my demons are going to kill me.   I'm not strong enough to do this on my own.  I've fought it for a very long time and I just don't have anything left in me.  I took my first pill Saturday morning.  I'm on a low dose so I'm hoping and praying that will be enough.    It's going to take some time for these to kick in so I just need to hold on for a few more weeks.   I can safely say, I'm terrified to find out just who I am.  I've given myself up to everyone my whole life.   How do I be someone I've never met?   That in and of itself is almost enough to no take the pills.  I will though.  I can't fight the fight anymore.   I swear, if it isn't one thing...it's another. 




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