I decided back in October that I needed to start working out. Since buying my house and having the lump in my breast removed I've gained some weight. I've gone from a size 8 to a 10. Ouch. Goes to show that stress is the best diet out there. Remove the stress and guess what? You gain weight!!! Well...at least I did and I'm hating it with a fricking passion!!! The cruise has given me incentive to lose what I've gained. Let me tell you...it was easier putting it on than taking it off. I joined Curves and didn't really get serious about it until the last couple of weeks. Today was my day to be measured. I've lost an inch in my waist and 2% body fat. WOW!!! I didn't think I was losing anything. If this keeps up I'll make my goal by cruise time. I have a pair of jeans I could wear when I turned 40 and they were a size 6. I liked how I looked in them and I want to be able to wear them again. I know I can do it and having the club in the same building where I work helps. I can't make excuses to not go plus the owner won't let me slide. She stays on me and reminds me why I'm doing this. I have noticed something though. I feel really good after working out. At least now that I'm really into it. The first week or two I wanted to die. I kept thinking "What the hell did I get myself into???" Now I'm holding myself accountable and even when I don't want to go work out...I do it anyway. My eating habits still haven't changed though. I really need to work on that one. Trying to stop drinking so much soda and that is a serious challenge. I've gotten myself to where I don't buy it in the mornings anymore. I drink water as soon as I get to work and I think that is helping. All I know is that I want to look amazing for the cruise and nothing is going to stop me from reaching my goal. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...