Frick frick frickity frick!!! I got a call from my gyno's nurse yesterday. Seems that he wants me to go see a general surgeon. Oh joy...oh rapture!!! Not really. The last freaking time I was referred to a general surgeon I had surgery the same day!!! I'm doing everything I can to keep my mind occupied with something other than this stupid lump in my left boob!!! Do you know that you become increasingly aware of your boobs when there is something wrong with them? Huh? Did ya??? I went shopping last night...as we all know that is a great way to get your mind off of ugly things. Well it just made things worse. I wanted to get a suntea jug. The kind that have the little spigot in them. Do you think I found one? NO!!! Only good thing about last night was I bought a new summery-springy kind of suit for a wedding I'm going to in a couple of weeks and a new skirt which may end up taking the place of the summery-springy suit. I must admit I did quite well with my purchases. The suit was regularly $50 and I got it for $4. The skirt was regular $17.00 and I got that for $4 also. All brand new stuff. Not thrift store bargains. Sadly...none of the shopping helped my mood. This must really be bugging me. Shopping always helps my mood. Ah well...the appointment is the day after tomorrow. I can't stress too much until I know for sure what they are going to do....but a "general surgeon consult" certainly doesn't sound nice!!!
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...