I haven't posted in ages!!! Life has pretty much been really boring. Well...up until last night. It all started with my feeling weak and out of breath. I was having some chest pain and my left arm was going numb. I slept ok and when I got up the pain wasn't as severe. I took a nap after I got up this morning...I'm just exhaused. When I took a shower I thought I would do my monthly self exam. Mainly to rule out any lumps causing the problem. I couldn't rule out any lumps. I found one. I'm not a happy person right now. I'm going to make an appointment to get a mammogram and see my doctor. I truly don't know what is going on right now. All I know is I'm hurting and there is a lump in my left breast. I hate asking for things for myself but I could really use some prayers right now. I'm trying very hard to not be scared or think bad things. It's difficult to do. My biological mother had breast cancer pre-menopause so that is hanging over my head like a LARGE black storm cloud. I will post more when I find out what is going on with me.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...