Still not feeling all that great. My left arm keeps going numb on me. It isn't all the time but it's more often than not. I'm hating this. I just want to feel good again. I hate not knowing. I will know more later this week but it's the waiting that kills me. I have gotten so much support and love the past couple of days that I will never again think that I have not affected anyone's life in a positive way and that no one cares about me. I know I have friends who care but to learn that there are so many out there who truly are concerned about me and love me. It feels good and makes all of the people who don't give a damn about me and are probably hoping I will die from this....not matter in the least. Sometimes you wonder why God does what He does. If a person is open to the lessons in life...you will see just a glimpse of His thought processes. I seem to have 2x4's upside my head to see them but...I do see them. LOL I never did do things the easy way. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...