Well I made an appointment today. I was hoping I could get it done here in town. Sounds odd huh? Well my gyno is in Wenatchee. After I moved back to helltown I refused to change my doctor. Once you find a good gynecologist...you stick with him/her. Wenatchee is only an hour and 45 minutes away so it's not a huge deal for me. After talking to the nurse..who by the way is the BEST nurse I have ever known. Anyway...she said that I will have a mammogram but I will also have to have an ultrasound. She said they are not approaching this as a routine exam but as a symptomatic exam. I did ask her about the pain and is that usually associated with cancer. She said no. That put me at ease a bit. Not completely mind you but it's not forefront in my mind now. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. It came from nowhere. I was feeling just fine all day Saturday and then WHAM!!! I was knocked for a loop. I'm having a tough time concentrating which makes work kinda tough. I'm glad that Steven is gone tomorrow. I won't have much to do. I usually don't when he is out of the office. I told him what I'm dealing with and he was very concerned. His wife had found a lump awhile ago and immediately went in to get it checked. He said that it's better to be safe than sorry. I fully agree with him. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best boss ever? I may only work part time and I don't make massive amounts of money...but my work environment and the flexibility I have completely outweighs any other job out there. There are days when I think that I should look for a fulltime, better paying job. Then I think "Am I out of my mind???". I would completely regret it if I did. Nope...I shall stay where I am. :) This whole situation has caused me to just want to be proactive and have a double mastectomy and not be in fear of breast cancer. I've heard of women who do that because of their family medical history. They have a test where you can be tested to see if your odds are good (or bad depending on how you look at it) for developing breast cancer. I'm seriously considering looking into that. I have 2 young daughters I need to raise. They need me just as much as I need them. Anything I can do to prevent the chance of me dying I will consider. I'm going to wait and see what I find out at my appointment. I will remain positive though. All of my friends are telling me to remain positive and think that everything will be fine. I won't give up...no matter what the outcome. I will fight it. I have gone through too much and have way too much to live for to let something like breast cancer get in my way. Won't happen...not to this little girl. :)
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...