Never in my life have I been happier than what I was yesterday at noon thirty. My girls finally came home. Picking them up at the airport was easier than I thought it was going to be. I did have a bit of a deterrant though. We got to baggage claim and my precious J said "Mommy...where is teddy?" Teddy being her most prized possession other than the baby blanket I made for her. Oh good grief....she had dropped it somewhere. So...being the wonderful and loving mommy that I am...I went back to the ticket counter, got another pass, went through security (which is not a speedy process) and ran towards the gate where I had picked them up. There is a good samaritian out there somewhere because while I was running towards the gates...and I was RUNNING...I looked up on a ledge just near some stairs and what do I see? TEDDY!!! Thank you God!!! So...I head back down to baggage claim and we head to the car. The rest of the trip was uneventful...thank goodness. There was one sad part to my afternoon. K had to go to her father's house and will be there for the next 3 weeks. She was none too happy about it either. But...there is something I say to her whenever she is gone for longer than a weekend. I ask her "When I'm not near you...where will I always be?" She replies "In my heart, Mommy". This gets us through the separation. Yes...K and I are very close. We always have been and I don't ever see that changing. The rest of the afternoon went ok. Went to the church for a picnic sort of thing. J got to play on some of those blowup bouncing toys, we had hotdogs, watermelon, and homemade pie. The downfall of the evening...the stupid cooling fan on my car went belly up. In 100 degree temps...this would not be a good thing. One more doo-dad to get fixed. Ah life...never a dull moment. But...my baby is asleep and even though I don't have my oldest here...all is well within my world. If K was here...it would be perfect. I love my little family. I couldn't ask for more...
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...