I used to believe in love. Really. I did. I was one of those who had dreams of grandeur. Meet my prince, head over heels in love, marry, buy a house, have children and live happily ever after. my last long term relationship was the 2x4 upside my head that woke me up. Are you kidding me? Dreams do not come true. People kill them by settling. I'm a good example of settling. Did it in my first marriage. Did it in my last relationship. Both men I would have and should have never considered being in a relationship with. My first husband was a smoker. He was a video game junkie. He didn't have a job until just before I moved out. Hmmm...wonder what made me marry him? My last relationship? He had never been married and no children at the age of 37. Never had a relationship last longer than a year. Very secretive with his life even though I lived with him. Extreme addiction to online porn. Hmmm...wonder why I stayed with him? Oh I know the answer on both counts. I settled!!!
Do I blame these men for my views on love? Not entirely. I accept the majority of why my opinions are what they are. Ultimately it was my decision to be with them. Their treatment of me as a person rests solely upon their shoulders though. I won't own that stuff. Although, I chose to allow them to treat me like a second class citizen. I WILL own that. I was the one that made the decision to remain with men who were less than what I wanted in life. Did I deserve what I got? To a point...yes. You accept less than what you want...you deal with your choices. I don't believe I deserved to be mentally and emotionally abused. No one deserves that.
My views on love are from a lifetime of hurts. Some people would call me cynical. Maybe I am. It's difficult to not by cynical when everytime I am in a relationship I end up hurt in one way or another. I'll meet men and their thoughts lean along the lines of FWB or me bending over backwards to be near them or with them. They believe I am to give up my life here to be where they are. There are men who believe I am the one to travel to meet them wherever they may be. Wenatchee, Seattle or Alaska. I am not of that viewpoint. If a man wants to meet me then he will make the effort for that to happen. I get that from all men I speak with. The conversations usually don't last long after that.
March 2009 is when I chose to let all love in reality go straight out the window. Love is something we read about in fairy tales. In my case...in the Twilight Saga. I've totally immersed myself in the saga and it's become a part of my life. It's safe. It's where my reality lies for my views on love. I can live the fantasy through Edward and Bella. I don't get hurt. I cry. I laugh. I become part of the story for however I want to continue reading. This is what love is. A fantasy in a book. It doesn't exist in the real world. As long as I keep that in perspective then life is where it should be. Happy and at peace.
Do I blame these men for my views on love? Not entirely. I accept the majority of why my opinions are what they are. Ultimately it was my decision to be with them. Their treatment of me as a person rests solely upon their shoulders though. I won't own that stuff. Although, I chose to allow them to treat me like a second class citizen. I WILL own that. I was the one that made the decision to remain with men who were less than what I wanted in life. Did I deserve what I got? To a point...yes. You accept less than what you want...you deal with your choices. I don't believe I deserved to be mentally and emotionally abused. No one deserves that.
My views on love are from a lifetime of hurts. Some people would call me cynical. Maybe I am. It's difficult to not by cynical when everytime I am in a relationship I end up hurt in one way or another. I'll meet men and their thoughts lean along the lines of FWB or me bending over backwards to be near them or with them. They believe I am to give up my life here to be where they are. There are men who believe I am the one to travel to meet them wherever they may be. Wenatchee, Seattle or Alaska. I am not of that viewpoint. If a man wants to meet me then he will make the effort for that to happen. I get that from all men I speak with. The conversations usually don't last long after that.
March 2009 is when I chose to let all love in reality go straight out the window. Love is something we read about in fairy tales. In my case...in the Twilight Saga. I've totally immersed myself in the saga and it's become a part of my life. It's safe. It's where my reality lies for my views on love. I can live the fantasy through Edward and Bella. I don't get hurt. I cry. I laugh. I become part of the story for however I want to continue reading. This is what love is. A fantasy in a book. It doesn't exist in the real world. As long as I keep that in perspective then life is where it should be. Happy and at peace.
