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Now I know I've become a new me

Never in my life did I think I would tell a man what I did the other day. A very nice man. Someone I've spoken to before and thought he was it for me. We parted ways and I let it go over a year ago. For some reason I emailed him the other day just to see how he is doing. It was nice to talk to him and his deep voice about melted me all over again. He said he missed me and that he wants to see me. Uh oh. Not the direction I was thinking when I emailed him. Crap. Seriously? How do I get myself into these messes? What I thought was going to be a mess turned out better than I thought. I told him that I really wasn't looking for a relationship right now. Yeah I know. Shocked me too. I've never ever ever told a man that. I usually just fade into the woodwork and he stops talking to me. I know...that's the cowards way but hey...I'm a coward sometimes. At least when it comes to letting a man know I'm not interested. This man wasn't upset with me, go all postal or dramatic on me. He said that it's cool and he was okay with that. But...I haven't heard from him since.

Timing is everything for all that we do. Just like finding my brother. He is going to be losing his mom soon to cancer and he fully believes that his step dad won't be far behind. When they pass he said all he has left for family is an aunt and a brother. Then I come along and POOF...he doesn't feel so alone in this world. Why is it that I looked off and on for 3 years but never found him and then after one half enthusiastic post on Craigslist I find him in 2 hours? Timing. None of what happens to us is accidental. There are reasons and a higher power that has a plan where our life goes. I fully believe He has to adjust those plans based upon some of the stupid choices we make but the final result is because He wants us there. WOW!!! Talk about an epiphany. Freaky to have those at 8:00am on a Saturday.

It's not time for me to be in a relationship. I don't know how I know that but my heart is telling me to remain single. Is it because of the cruise? Possibly. I know me when I get around my friends and we are having fun, partying and drinking. I'm a flirt. That is not front page news. Not in a "I want to have sex with you" kind of way. It's just sometimes a bit too friendly. I think I'll leave it at that. I could embarrass myself. Anyone who has been around me doesn't need an explanation and for people who haven't...they will know in August. :) I'm just feeling good about the cruise and that I'm possibly going to meet someone who could very well be my Edward. I don't know but I do know that at this moment in time...I'm not wanting a relationship and I'm good with that.

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