Skip to main content

So many thoughts...

It's coming up on tax time. I'm a bit weirded out about that. Usually it's a simple thing for me. Go online. Log in to the tax company I use. Do a lot of data entry. Tax refund deposited in my checking account in 10 days. Quite simple. This year? Not so much. I bought a house last year. I have deductions now. The first time homebuyers credit is weighing heavy on my mind. I know that I qualify but not sure how it works. I hate having to hire someone to do my taxes. Last time I did that the idiot fouled everything up and boy were my finances in a mess from it. I have a friend who is an accountant but not too sure I want someone digging around in my financial stuff who I know on a personal level. I'm sure he is good at what he does but still... Lots to think about and put together in the next couple of weeks. Once my taxes are filed I will feel much better.

That last sentence takes me to WHY I will feel better. Well..the refund of course. I will get things paid off. My cruise being one of them. I will be taking a couple of mini vacations this year thanks to my lovely refund. NYC in February and GWO in April. The big thing, other than the cruise, is the possiblity of buying a car. I told K that she would have a car when she turns 16 which just so happens to be this year. Thing is...do I want to let her drive my PT or do I want to find a cheap little car that is cute and in good shape and let her drive that? OR...do I want to find a cute car that is in good shape (think sporty here) and keep it for myself? I hate making decisions like that. Just stresses me out sometimes. I know that her SD won't help with buying her a car so this one is on me. The stepmonster already bitches about the fact they paid for her drivers ed class. Thing is...I would have paid for 1/2 of the class if the SD had waited until I got my tax refund but noooooo...he wanted to do it when HE wanted to do it. So...the SM can shut the hell up. Witch. Nah...feelings for that woman hasn't changed. I really don't see that ever happening. I will no longer have to deal with her in 3 years. That just sounds so nice!!! I don't mind talking to the SD. He and I have been getting along really well lately. It's refreshing actually. I haven't gotten along with him since K was 3 years old. Let's hope it lasts for at least 3 years. :)

Popular posts from this blog

love

It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did.  To find out the things he does now for his wife?  The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me.  Knowing all of this has made me hate him.  I know it does nothing to him.  It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years.  I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being.    When I met him, I was in a good place.  I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love.  In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me.  I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was.  Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...

Too much...

 There are days I enjoy living my life.  There are days I thoroughly hate it.  Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown.  Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying.   Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.   Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship.  Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again.  I've been told she has been married 4...

A lifetime

 I have been mentally ill for as long as I can remember.  I honestly don't remember a time when I thought I was worth loving or even being allowed to live.  I've been suicidal, I've had a catatonic moment, I've been severely depressed.  In essence, I've been a mental mess.  I didn't know why.  I just was.  Doctors put me on medication but they barely touched my illness.  The demons were still there.  When I went off of the medication, those voices were loud and strong.   They controlled me.  The problem was...I didn't mind it.  It was a comfort for me.  It was my safe space.  I embraced their words. I know that sounds twisted but mental illness doesn't make sense. One year ago I decided I had enough.  I wanted to be happy.  I wanted to live my life, not just exist in it.  I went back on medication.  It helped...for a while.  Then those voices started coming back.  "You aren't worth i...