When I decide to end a friendship because they are two-faced, that is precisely what I want. To end the friendship and all communication. I have zero use for someone who talks shit about another person and then hangs out and parties with them. I especially won't be friends with someone, whom I've told personal things to about that other person and not trusting them to keep what I said to themselves. Do I believe she told The Monster everything I said? Absolutely. It just makes me question, if I were to become friends with her ex-husband, would she be okay with it? Of course she wouldn't. So why would I be okay with her being friends with The Monster? I know, without a shred of doubt, that she betrayed me. I seem to have had quite a few friends in my past who have done that. I'm about as good at choosing friends as I am at choosing men. I don't want perfection in a friendship. All I ask is loyalty and kindness.
The said former friend sent me a text the other day. I'm truly not sure why she felt it was within her realm to do so. Maybe there was some bit of kindness behind it but based upon history, I'm not sure I believe it. The news she text me, I had already been told about from my daughter. I don't need someone, who was never faithful to our friendship, message me the same information. Our friendship died the day she chose The Monster. Was I civil to her? Yes. I may be 50 shades but I am not a bitch.
Betrayal seems to be all I have known in my life. Just when I think I can trust someone...they prove otherwise. I don't trust anyone. My history has created that for me. Family, friends, men. I have never had someone there for me unconditionally and without judgement. In turn, I've reacted in ways that I shouldn't have. I push people away, I say things that keeps them from getting too close, I let people know that I do not need them. Honestly, I don't need anyone. I'm perfectly content being alone. The moment you come to need and depend on someone, no matter the relationship, that is the moment you are betrayed, hurt, abused. I trusted the woman who chose The Monster. I truly believed she was a genuine friend. I was a fool. Never again will I allow that to happen with anyone. Took me a long time to figure out that I don't deserve genuine friendship but now that I understand it...I can't keep people at arms length and never let them near again.
