It amazes me the men who abuse women. They tell her things that are utterly vile and evil. Bringing her as low as he possibly can just to keep her beneath him and in line. These men, I have found, are far from being GQ models. They aren't even close to it. These are men who demand perfection in a woman but are far from their lowest standard. I've been told by men to not get fat, to gain weight because I'm too thin, to not wear red lipstick because I look like a whore, they are the best I am ever going to get. When I look back on what they looked like then and what they look like now...I can only surmise that they truly hated themselves to say the things they did. These are men who have gone totally bald and the gut on them is beyond what is healthy. Ever hear of "buddha"? Yeah...that is what these men look like. They are men I would not look at twice. I just wouldn't. Why? Because there is zero attraction to me for a man like that. I'm not saying I'm all that and a bag of chips. I'm not. Not even remotely close. I just know that I'm not what these men told me I am. At least I know this in a small quiet part of my mind. It's convincing all of me that I'm not the fat, ugly, whore I was told I was. It's finding my confidence again and telling those voices to get the hell out and shut the fuck up. It isn't easy and many days I fail but there are some days, not many, where I succeed and win against the demons. Those are good days.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...