Absolutely no one would notice. No one would care. One day, someone might say "Hey...where is Tracey?" but for the most part...I would not be missed. The older I get, the more I realize I have never been wanted by anyone. Not family, not men, my friends, obviously not by my parents. I look back on my life and realize that I was tolerated. I wasn't really wanted. For men...I was just someone to play with. For friends...they tolerated me and most likely felt sorry for me. I've never truly be liked and I see that more and more with each passing day. People say God doesn't make mistakes. I say they are wrong. He did make at least one. That was me. I will never be close to anyone again. After almost 55 years of thinking I'm worth loving, I can finally say that for almost 55 years I was delusional. No one has and no one ever will love me.
Sometimes, I sit back and desperately wish I had someone to talk to. Someone whom I could trust. Someone whom I know would not judge me, belittle me or use my depression against me. Then reality hits me and I remember...I'm alone.
