I cannot seem to learn my lesson. Hopefully, what happened yesterday will be all of the lesson I need. What is it with "friends" thinking it's well within their rights to call anyone in my family, whom I've struggled with or who have hurt me, vile and disgusting names. Only one family member, my brother, I won't have issues with that because he is an asshole. Has been since his birth and I will never look at him fondly. To call my mother a bitch and to call my daughter an asshole is crossing lines that should never be crossed. However, it's shown me something. My mother was right. I don't have friends. No one has ever truly been my friend. When I think back on friends I've had, all of them have betrayed me in one way or another.
1. My daughter was a heroin addict and I did not know how to cope and get through the struggles. I had friends who completely stopped talking to me. I was pushed away and ignored. Even after my daughter got clean, these same friends were two-faced to me. I finally wised up, realized they were not friends and never were. I walked away hurt but better for it.
2. I've had a friend tell me, when I was in a dark place, "I don't have time for your shit" and block me from any and all communication with her. A friend who had been in my life for almost 40 years. This same friend backed out of my wedding 2 weeks before the ceremony because she said she and her boyfriend had decided to go out of town. Same friend who told me that my dad's diagnosis of stage 4 bone cancer was just a "bump in the road" and to not let it get to me.
3. I had a friend who would throw me under the bus at every opportunity. She would agree with me on situations but when questioned about it, she would throw all blame onto me and not own up to feeling the same way.
4. More than one friend has called my daughters vile names when I was struggling as their mother.
5. Friends who chose to not talk to me about why I'm hurt but instead, I'm the drama queen and I need to grow up.
6. Friends who hurt me but then I'm told, after I react and speak my mind, that I need to apologize.
There are so many more that to write it all down would be way too depressing to even think about.
I'm a nothing to these people. I'm a doormat. Just a POS that doesn't matter. Someone who should not be allowed to breathe. I don't have friends. My mother was right. I've never had friends or anyone who gave a damn about me. Finally had the lesson drilled into my head yesterday. I won't let anyone close to me again. I trust no one.
