love

Something came to my mind this morning...other than the need for coffee. I have a sort of anniversary this month. Not quite sure of the date since I deleted my lovinstitch blog. It was sometime in May of last year I found out who my honest to goodness friends are. This would not be something you would think a person would want to remember considering how badly I was hurt but it was truly a blessing in disguise.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year since 2 women whom I confided in with my deepest hurts and fears betrayed me in a way no friend would ever do. It was a situation that should have never occured but I am truly grateful it did. I sent an apology to one of them. She refuses to even acknowledge it which has shown me that she was never truly what someone would consider a friend much less a good one. In hindsight I realize now that she maintained a "friendship" with me to gain knowledge of my ex husband. She dated him a long time before I met him. When I was no longer of any use to her and I wouldn't give her the information she desperately wanted to know...she became friends with Darren and told me she knew it would end our "friendship". If we had a friendship she wouldn't have done it in the first place. But I digress...

The other friend came to me around 2 months later asking me to testify in her trial and apologized for hurting me. I foolishly believed her. Once I testified...she had no use for me. She ended the friendship based upon my calling the school about her son for bullying my daughter. Her logic was if our kids can't be friends than neither can we. I didn't understand that but accepted it. I have since gained knowledge from others that have proven that I was correct in not remaining friends with her. Losing that so called friendship has been a weight lifted off of my heart that I can't even begin to express how good it feels to be out of it. Nothing has been more stifling and burdomsome than trying to be friends with her.

I've learned some serious lessons in this past year. Not pretty ones either. I've learned that once trust is betrayed it is difficult to regain it. Both parties have to be willing to work towards that common goal or it is not going to happen. I believe that I can speak for Sabrina and myself in that regard when it comes to our friendship. We have been through some tough times during the past 9 years. One instance almost killed our friendship. We didn't talk for close to a year and I missed her in my life. I needed her friendship. I swallowed every bit of pride I had...and we all know I have a lot of that...and I emailed her. That was over 2 years ago. It has taken work on both of our parts but the friendship is back and better than ever. I love her dearly and would trust her with anything in my life.

It has been a year since the revelation of who I can trust and believe in. As odd as this sounds and I can't believe I'm saying this but I thank Kim and Ronna for what they did. If they hadn't...I wouldn't be person I am today. A happier and "at peace with who I am" person. It was because of them that I took my life back from the pain that over took who I really was. It was their betrayal that opened my eyes to who I had become. A sad, bitter and ugly person. A person I didn't like. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we get so angry that we can't even begin to comprehend the logic behind it. I know full well that God set that whole thing in motion. He did not want either one of those women in my life. He knew that their ultimate betrayal would hurt me and would hurt me deeply...but...He also knew I could handle it. Funny thing...I did handle it. Better than I thought I could.

I learned a lot about myself this past year. I'm not who I was then. I'm stronger and I believe better. I grow everyday in finding out who I am. I am finding I'm a good person but I won't put up with anyone's crap either. I'm no longer a doormat. This my friends...is a good thing. :)