Talk about messed up!!! I was sitting here thinking about how Ronna had told me that I am a hypocrite because I am now a Christian. That made absolutely no sense to me since she was judging me on my past with who I am now. The definition of hypocrite is: The act of pretending to have beliefs, virtues and feelings that one does not truly possess. Before I became a Christian I never pretended to be one. After becoming one I never pretended to be one I was one. Where is all of this leading? I have a point...I really do. In the year 2006 if a person says they are a Christian all of a sudden they are called hypocrites, persecuted, judged and mocked. All of this BEFORE anyone gets to know them. In the year 1956 if someone said they weren't a Christian they were persecuted, judged and condemned. All of this BEFORE anyone got to know them. When did it become a crime to be a Christian? At least here in the free world? Just because a person was not a Christian all of their lives does not mean they are to be labled a hypocrite when they are finally saved. If they were doing the same things they did before finding Christ...that would make them a hypocrite. If they have turned their lives around...no one has the right to judge who they are based upon the past. Especially people who will say they are Christian but yet live within the world. Nothing turns my stomach more than those people. Look at some profiles on myspace or a personals website. How many do you see that say their religion is Christian? Now if you were to ask them about going to church, reading the bible or worshiping Christ what do you think their reply would be? I'll tell you..."Oh I don't to go church. I worship within myself." WHAT???? I have yet to figure that one out. It's like people are ashamed to say that they are not a practicing Christian. If they say they are one that will absolve them from all wrongdoing and make them a better person. Again...HUH? I will fully admit that I have not been the best Christian around. I have struggles with my faith just like everyone does. Just do not call me a hypocrite. If I were out partying , sleeping with every guy I dated and then going to church on Sunday....I would gladly accept that label and judgement. Since I don't do those things....your judgement of me is way out of line. Look in the mirror before casting judgement on me. I don't think you will like what you see looking back at you. Ok...I went on a tangent. LOL I'm done for now...;)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...