Skip to main content

While it lasts

Had a good couple of days.   The demon took a mini vacation and I was happy.   Demon came back this morning and I woke up back in my safe space.  Why is the darkest place I can be considered my safe space?  Because I'm used to it.  I know what to expect and I truly feel safe in the dark.   I'm not vulnerable there.   No one can touch me when I'm wrapped up in the darkness.   One tiny step forward but this morning...two giant steps back.   Will I ever find happiness that stays? 😕 

Popular posts from this blog

Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...
Read more

love

It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did.  To find out the things he does now for his wife?  The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me.  Knowing all of this has made me hate him.  I know it does nothing to him.  It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years.  I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being.    When I met him, I was in a good place.  I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love.  In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me.  I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was.  Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...
Read more

What have I done?

I've been thinking about the things I've done in the last 20 years but, thanks to my memory, I need to make a list so I can actually see that my life wasn't completely horrible. Las Vegas 6 times Dallas for a girl's weekend Forks 4 times for girls' weekends Cruise to Alaska Cruise to Bermuda x 2 Cruise to Belize, Honduras, Mexico Road trip to South Dakota x 2 Southern California for a long weekend Nashville to judge a beauty pageant. Nascar races x 2 one being a Championship. Orlando Florida - Disneyworld and Universal Studios California - many times Leavenworth - many times Girls' weekends - many times I have more trips coming up with a cruise to Alaska and a cruise around Ireland. A weekend trip to Montana.  A girl's week to Vegas.  I'm sure there will be more to be planned. I became a Nana and will be a Nana x 2 this year.   I've been able to purchase 2 homes. Even though I have battled depression, I have had friends stand steadfast by my side and...
Read more