I've been thinking back on who I was in 2001. I had separated from my husband and moved for a job on the westside of the state. I was struggling with finding who I was, yet again. By mid 2002, I had found my stride. I was happy, I was liking myself again, I was in a great place. I had dated a man, after moving, who was the one person who brought me out of that low point. I was wearing clothes WAY too big for my body, I was just working and raising my kids. One day he came over, looked at what I was wearing and said "Tracey, you have a great body. You need to wear clothes that show it off". I looked in the mirror and thought "Ya know..he's right". So I started wearing cute clothes and absolutely feeling all of myself. He was the most amazing man I have ever had sexually. Good heavens but that man knew what he was doing. Even when I thought we were done and would go to get out of bed, he would look at me, smile and say "Where are you going? I'm not done with you..." He would give me feelings I had never had. Did that relationship work out? No but I don't believe it was supposed to. He was what I needed at that time.
Even after that man, I dated quite a few men who were absolutely amazing. Not lifetime amazing but amazing for what I needed at that time. I was in a great place. Then I clicked on a man who would change that. He would take me from heaven straight into the pits of hell. Had I known then what I know now...I would have ever, ever dated him. I have have clicked "Not" and moved right along. Do I want to find that man who gave "me" back to me? Sometimes. I think he would kick my ass and help me find who I am again. I wouldn't need him in my life for a lifetime. Just to help me get back to where I was when I clicked that "yes" button. I do have my memories of this man and the memories are good, they are amazing and they are forever cherished. There was a point in my life when a man like him (sexy, good dancer, handsome, tall, good dancer and above all...he desired me) was interested in me. The good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. He was my healer. For that I will always be thankful. I need to find his words again. I need to find the me he saw every time he looked at me. That girl is in there somewhere and I'm determined to find her.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...