I was a bad mom. I did
the best I could but my best, now that I look back, wasn't my best. Why was I a
bad mom? Because I did not have a good role model to teach me how to parent. I
had a mother who didn't hug me, a mother who took every chance she could to
yell at me, to belittle me, to demean me (put lipstick on, you look sick...and
I still do this to this day with her voice in my head), she never gave me
credit for anything I DID do that was positive, always put me on the
backburner, everyone else came first and I was an afterthought or mistake. As a
mom...I did almost everything she did. I failed just as she failed. However, I
did something that she has never done. I realized that I was not a good mom, I
apologized to my children,
I own my failures, I am trying to learn from my
mistakes. I failed my children when they were growing up. I am going to do my
best to not fail them as adults. Sadly...I didn't fall short. I failed. I've chatted
with both of my girls and it was a tough conversation hearing where I missed
the mark as their mom. Seeing that I did what my own mother did. Realizing that
I was not a good mom to my children has been difficult to own up to. My oldest
told me "Mom...you don't know what you don't know. You can't do better if
you don't know better" I wasn't taught to parent. My kids did not have a
great childhood and having to own that is one of the toughest crosses I have to
bear. My kids have forgiven me. Now I have to forgive myself.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...