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How?

 I've been told to go see a counselor for my 50 shades.  If I had never seen a counselor in my past, I would have agreed with that suggestion.  The counselors I've seen before have been nothing short of ridiculous.  I actually had one counselor tell me, after I spoke to her about being physically beaten by a man, to just say "I'm done" and walk away.   That's it.  That's all of the help she gave me.  "I'm done".  Yup...that cured a lifetime of hurt.    I trust counselors as much as I trust drinking Flint water.   I've taken medication.  Lots of medication  It only exacerbated the situation.  I feel like I'm a lost cause.  Nothing helps me.  No one wants to help me.  My family has all but written me off.  I've given up on friends.  I've tried asking friends to do things with me and it's always "well...".  I don't ask anymore.  Just to even ask someone to spend time with me is a challenge and for me to get the courage to ask is nothing short of a miracle.    The last time I asked a friend was the last time I will ever ask.  

I'm a joke.  I truly am a joke of a human.  I have been since conception.  My bio parents didn't want me and, after my adopted mother spilling the beans on my suicide attempt, my adopted parents didn't want me.  Yet, I have friends tell me to just "let it go. Stop living in the past".  Okay...just call me Elsa.

Queen has a song I think everyone in the civilized world knows and there is a lyric that sums things up quite well...



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