Life as I know it...

I really hate it when this mood hits me. Tears aren't far from just doing their thing. Don't ask me why either. I've been taking my estrogen, I had a good weekend, everything is just fine. I'm just in a low spot and since I don't really know why...it bugs me. I'm watching Extrem* H*me M*keover and that is a mistake. I'm not even going to touch my book tonight. I want to be fully focused on it and right now...that is not possible.

I know some of it is just being lonely. What is sad about that is I'm still not sure I'm able to be in a relationship. I know there is still some healing that needs to be done and trust to rebuild. I know that when the right guy comes along...the fears won't be there. Apparently I haven't met him yet. LOL I've been on some dates....ok every date I've been on since August 2004 qualifies for this...but something was missing on my part. Sure I could be in a relationship but there is zero chance I will be with someone just to be with someone. I don't need a man in my life to validate who I am. I know I've said it before but there are just so many people who do that. I've seen it and I've done it. Nothing but misery follows when you do that. I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.

My perfect man is out there...and his name is Gerard. *GRIN* If only...*sigh* Hey...I can dream can't I?

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