Last night I had the conversation I don't believe I could have handled almost 2 years ago. I finally got the reason for Darren "falling out of love with me". I became depressed after my hysterectomy and losing my job. He had said when he would come home from work and I hadn't done anything all day, I was still in my jammies, kids were eating mac and cheese and I was on the computer he lost it for me. He did admit that not being supportive of me compounded everything. The man I loved hated me because of something I had no control over. This really should bother me. With all that was said last night...it doesn't. I think in away I already knew it. Him telling me just confirmed it. Am I hurt by it? No. I'm past him hurting me. The problem now...I'm still letting what he did to me with the cybers*x and belittling me control who I am. How do I get my se*uality back and not even think about the horrible things that were said about me? How do I not compare every man I meet with him? Not only in the bad sense but even when our relationship was really good? There is so much more I want to post and I will but before I start crying again...I'll end this one. It's Monday...we all know how I feel about that.
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...