Sometimes I amaze even myself. Take tonight for instance. I went bowling with J. We bowled two games. My second game...well it sucked. I barely broke 100. My first game? I know you really want to know...Ok..I'll tell ya. 154 thank you very much!!!!!!! Hello!!! I have never bowled a 154. I can't wait to brag to Darren about that one. LOL I know..it's not much but I have to grab onto whatever I can when it comes to him. LOL Yes...we are getting along and are civil to each other. No...I'm not reading anything into it and don't want any kind of romantical relationship with him. That is dead and gone. I went birthday shopping tonight and amazed myself even more. I got a cute pair of short dress pants (the type that look like gauchos from the 70's), a nice cashmere/wool blend sweater and two purses. Pants...orig $36/I paid $2.99, sweater...orig $36/I paid $2.99, purses orig $50 each/I paid $4.99 each. Am I good or what??????? Sometimes it's just scary how good my shopping skills are. LOL
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...