I get a free night tonight!!! I can't even remember when I had one of those. K is with her dad this weekend and J is going to Debbie's. Not sure what I will do but I know it will be nice to just have some peace and quiet for a little while. Don't get me wrong...I love my girls but there are times when it's nice to just be me. Glass of wine and POTO. Perfect. I received a nice card today from a friend of mine who I met at church. She wanted to let me know that she is praying for me and that God will help me to remember everything I studied. She went on to say that my Daddy has my back and He will take care of me and cares about every detail that concerns me. She is such an awesome person!!! I'm feeling a bit better and a little more relaxed. I'm leaving it all in God's hands. He gave me this job...He will help me pass this test. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...