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I really don't know what to think of today. On one hand...I'm feeling a bit better and not so apprehensive about the test. On the other hand...I spoke with my mom today and found out one of my uncles is in the hospital and it doesn't look like he will be with us much longer. I haven't seen him in quite awhile but it still takes my breath away. He is my mom's brother and she said that the last time he was in the hospital he said "I just want to die". From the sounds of it he is tired and just wants to go home. Home = heaven. Mom said that she and two of her sisters will be going to see him this week and she will let me know how he is doing and if he passes away. At this point I'm not sure if I will go down for the funeral if he does. Does that sound horrible? We weren't close but he is still family. As you all know...family is everything to me. I'll discuss it with my mom and see what she thinks I should do.
I hate death. I know it's part of life but the finality of it all...just difficult for me to deal with. My grandpa died when I was 16 years old. I did not go to his funeral. To this day I completely regret it. I did not get to say goodbye and even though I know he is gone...I still expect to see him when I'm in CA. Strange...I know but I still miss him. After 20 years....I still want to make my grandpa proud of me.
***I love you grandpa and I miss you***

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