I would love to move out of this place!!! Not so much my home because it's starting to look nice but out of the park I'm in. The only nice people I've come across are the elderly neighbors. J's friends mom and dad are cool though. I really want to move. I know there are jerks everywhere but to have a lot of them concentrated in one spot? Don't like it. My prayer has been for God to bring the opportunity along that will allow us to move. It doesn't even have to be out of this town...although that would be nice. As long as I'm this close to a certain someone...I know that the tensions will always be there. Especially with the kids being at the bus stop together. It never ends and it's getting old. We just need to get away from her and all that involves her. One day...it's all in God's hands. I did have an interesting chat on IM last night. As to whether all of it is true...that I'm not too sure of. A good portion of it though...confirmation of everything I believed to be true. Even though I should have ignored the IM....my curiosity got the better of me as to what he wanted. Well I found out and it just made me even more relieved that things turned out the way they did. Well...time to get my butt in gear. It's a work day ya know....;)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...