I have a dear friend who just so happens to be a guy. I know...shocking isn't it? LOL Anyway...he is the kind of man every woman would want in her life. Kind, caring, compassionate, sympathetic, romantic, a true friend...you know the kind of man I'm talking about only he isn't gay. :) For the past year we chat off and on and exchange emails and there have been times when he has mentioned us getting together as a couple. I've always avoided it. The reason? He slept with the one person I want nothing to do with. The thought just physically makes me sick to my stomach. I can't get past it. Even though he is a good man and would be amazing to me and my kids...the thought of him ever having had s*x with that woman just repulses me. Well...it makes him sick to his stomach that he did also but I digress. Is it ever possible to get past those thoughts? I don't know.
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...