I have a dear friend who just so happens to be a guy. I know...shocking isn't it? LOL Anyway...he is the kind of man every woman would want in her life. Kind, caring, compassionate, sympathetic, romantic, a true friend...you know the kind of man I'm talking about only he isn't gay. :) For the past year we chat off and on and exchange emails and there have been times when he has mentioned us getting together as a couple. I've always avoided it. The reason? He slept with the one person I want nothing to do with. The thought just physically makes me sick to my stomach. I can't get past it. Even though he is a good man and would be amazing to me and my kids...the thought of him ever having had s*x with that woman just repulses me. Well...it makes him sick to his stomach that he did also but I digress. Is it ever possible to get past those thoughts? I don't know.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...