Skip to main content
You know what is really funny and quite possibly the most pathetic thing I have seen in a very long time? The statistics I get regarding this blog. You see...I have it set up to tell me how many people visit my blog, what date, time and now many times they visit. It also tells me the IP address and ISP. The funny part...the one person who hates me more than anyone on this planet has visited my blog TWICE tonight in a 1/2 hour time span. I love being the center of someone's universe. It's almost unnerving but yet flattering at the same time. If only that person was Gerard Butler. He is someone who matters. :) Now for the really cool part of my statistic tool...I can ban IP addresses. I guess I will find out tomorrow if it actually works. :) Sometimes I just amaze myself...LOL If Ronna has been reading...I'll be able to ban her also. I love internet tools. They can serve a very nice purpose sometimes.
Chatted with a couple of friends tonight and so far there are going to be at least 10 of us going out for my birthday. Dinner, dancing and heaven forbid...a couple of the girls want to do karaoke. I shall pass on the singing but I can't wait to go dancing. I haven't gone out since the week before Thanksgiving of last year. I'm about due for an adult night. When all of us get together...you never know what is going to happen. It's so cool still being friends with people you went to high school with. We are older but we are still the silly goof ball kids we were 20 years ago. Well you too Bean. Then again...Sabrina is the quiet one out of the two of us. We may be mirror images of each other but she is the more reserved...in most instances. LOL Right Sabrina?
BTW Sabrina...I moved my venting blog. Seems that someone just can't seem to stay away from needing to know what is going on in my life. I'll email the link to you. Good grief...

Popular posts from this blog

love

It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did.  To find out the things he does now for his wife?  The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me.  Knowing all of this has made me hate him.  I know it does nothing to him.  It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years.  I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being.    When I met him, I was in a good place.  I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love.  In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me.  I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was.  Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...
Read more

Too much...

 There are days I enjoy living my life.  There are days I thoroughly hate it.  Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown.  Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying.   Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.   Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship.  Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again.  I've been told she has been married 4...
Read more

A lifetime

 I have been mentally ill for as long as I can remember.  I honestly don't remember a time when I thought I was worth loving or even being allowed to live.  I've been suicidal, I've had a catatonic moment, I've been severely depressed.  In essence, I've been a mental mess.  I didn't know why.  I just was.  Doctors put me on medication but they barely touched my illness.  The demons were still there.  When I went off of the medication, those voices were loud and strong.   They controlled me.  The problem was...I didn't mind it.  It was a comfort for me.  It was my safe space.  I embraced their words. I know that sounds twisted but mental illness doesn't make sense. One year ago I decided I had enough.  I wanted to be happy.  I wanted to live my life, not just exist in it.  I went back on medication.  It helped...for a while.  Then those voices started coming back.  "You aren't worth i...
Read more