Well...I'm feeling a bit better. Not 100% but better than what I was. Benadryl is a nice thing when you need to sleep. I can actually taste food now!!! I had some teriyaki chicken and gyoza for dinner last night. Typically I devour that stuff. Last night it tasted horrible!!! Considering it's my favorite dinner...I was not happy. Today breakfast is Vanilla Yogurt Burst Cheerios. I have to say...they are mighty tasty. Definately recommend them. :) I chatted with a good friend of mine last night and she educated me that I'm going out for my birthday...no if's and's or but's. She has invited quite a few friends to go out with us for dinner, drinks and dancing. Since I have been told I have no choice in this I did a little inviting myself. I've been emailing, talking to and chatting with someone in Montana for over a year now. Our calendars have never been able to match up where we could get together and meet. Last night I emailed him inviting him over for my birthday. He said YES!!! I'm not getting my hopes up too high but it would be totally cool to see him...finally. If he can't make it...I still have all of my friends to go out with. :) Next year is the big 40. Eeekkkkk!!!!!
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...