I'm listening to my POTO soundtrack and I've been thinking about the music. Not just the story but the music. It's strange but it's like it becomes a part of who you are. I know that may not make sense to someone who doesn't appreciate music or just hasn't really gotten into POTO's music. I've found it has become such a part of my life that I can't imagine a day without it being in the background somewhere. I still find I can associate my life with Erik's life. Well...to a point. I'm not a murdering mad woman. :) His desire to be loved for who he is and not what he looks like was such a part of him. Christine had a line in the movie "This haunted face holds no horror for me now. It's in your soul that the true distortion lies" That one line sums up everything for Erik. Pretty close to the same with me. I feel that my soul is where I'm damaged. I can put on a pretty face and be everything everyone wants me to be. I'm good at that. I know...I'm doing some serious analyzing of myself. I can't be a full person unless I do that though. I won't go through my life half-assed and not be able to live it to the fullest. I know that there are people out there who are content with living life that way. I would not be one of them. I have done that in my past and I've been miserable and my relationships have failed because of it. I need to continue becoming a better me. I'm a great person, mom, friend. I just want to continue building on that. :)
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...